Sharing some personal moments

I have struggled for weeks since returning home asking myself if or should I share some of the insights and revelations of my trip. I always say.." do what is presented "..after listening deeply I heard.. Funny how then, I am given the answer when someone comes up to me..and asks, " are you going to talk about your trip? I would love to hear about it". I often hold Yoga Among Friends as a group endeavor..my job is to clear the space for others to do workshops and events..when bringing attention to me..in a strange way, I feel too visible, too much about my small self and awkward in making it about me. Is this truly for the good of something bigger? I never want to make the center," the Laura Mellencamp method,". I always ask to be the messenger,not the object of the attention. Very difficult in a world attached so much to form and ego, and hard to do when you have a large personality. I question why I stay in this role of yoga teacher, since the world has way too many great teachers and everyone has a voice..is this where I am supposed to me?
So after, getting out of my face, I felt the pulse of letting the story take it's own direction,and it has become a way to let you into my heart even more. I went to my dear friend and brilliant artist helping me to create a vehicle in which to begin sharing the qualities of the experiences. I wanted a way to present an understanding, that my story is only about what was awaken in my senses..not externally but internally..the brilliance of being absorbed in sensation and consciousness as it awaken deeper in me..this is only sharing my experiences, but hopefully to inspire your deeper commitment to live in the subtle beauty of life. Brilliance arises from the willingness to experience the internal senses and then live with them as expressions of your authentic Self. I am free falling into love.
So if you have some empty space and time in your busy day...perhaps you can share with me..I will be at Yoga Among Friends on Sunday afternoon and look forward to seeing what magic awaits..perhaps we can laugh together..and do what I love to do best, HOST a happening!!




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Back home and holding the space of Love..

It has been weeks since I returned from India..and still processing the experience. I have wanted to sit down and share my heart and soul and yet, I needed to be still, to digest, assimilate, absorb, and allow the wisdom to be imprinted in my soul. I still struggle for words to explain how my heart expanded and my passion was restored. I am more in love with life...and yet,my mind cannot grasp that mental phrase.
I struggle daily to let go of my agitation over the world' gripping mind..and it's collected fear of future possibility. Life is constant uncertainty. The certainty is in the daily commitment to be present to it's beauty. When my eyes see that beauty..I can share in the excitement and joy of the living. Now, I can see clearly, and it only took a shift of perspective. That is what yoga practice offers when we are the witness to our thoughts..do I feed my fear mind or the soul's ability to perceive the abundance of light? This is a choice I am able to make in the moment of clarity..this is freedom..I can choose to feel peace today, I can choose to feel love today, and only I can choose to let go and be here NOW.
I am writing this on the morning of 9/11..ten years ago,I was in the moment of preparation to go to Vietnam to bring Colby home..many of you know and held me during that long process to be a mom..my true svadharma..in an instant those plans got shifted..I was holding grief for friends and love ones that I knew were at ground zero,( my brother-in-law, worked there), at the same moment wondering how am I to get to Hanoi and honor the vow I made to my infant daughter..I prayed for the highest good for all..and let go of how..but knew at the deepest layer of my being..I was going to make the effort. With angels on my shoulder,and faith guiding the journey..we left on the first flights that were opened. A miracle of destiny, we got seats..and after four days of travel, we arrived. That was a labor..of love....
Now, ten years later, I am witnessing my sweet mother in her greatest work of letting go..she is in the divine dance between the spaces of light..her body is growing smaller yet, her soul gets bigger..soon, I will no longer be able to hug her,kiss her or smell the delicious scent of "mommy". Ten years ago, I became someone's mother, and now I am loosing being someone's daughter; book-ends marking transitions in time and space. Endings are beginnings,beginnings are endings..and they happen every moment. I just want to be awake enough to experience the beauty of such Grace..only a given identity of form, a label of the mind. Everything is impermanent. Change is the only constant, and we have to embrace this Truth. If we fight it, we only prevent the miracles to be revealed..I so trust in this journey..and in love with the possibilities that are just waiting to be invoked.
So today, I say prayers for all the souls that are struggling and still gripping at the concept of defending,winning,and killing..the thoughts that keep feeding the suffering of our world..and with forgiveness..I embrace the beauty and wonder and Awe that surrounds us ..I choose to focus on the Gratitude of this sacred day to remember that all life has a purpose...and all death is just the grace of transformation..stay open,stay in love today..





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Coming home

This is my last entry on the blog..the journey now is coming back home and being able to process all the amazing gifts I have received. India is random chaos. There are extreme obstacles and challenges in living day to day and yet, at the same time, there is a grace in the acceptance that things just don't always go according to the "plan". To be able to go with the flow,as they say. Each day, one never know when the power would suddenly be shut off; no air- conditioning,no lights, no inter-net, every bit of energy would simple be un-plugged! I am still amazed at the wonderful acceptance that this is just the norm.. No one seemed to be bothered..it was just how things are..knowing that in it's own time, the power would come back..but no one ever seemed to know when!!
To embrace the acceptance of what is being presented in the moment is the key to living in India..this allows for grace to move through. The frustration of the mind comes when expectation is the norm..we in the West have very little tolerance, patience, or forgiveness for anything that causes an inconvenience of our time..We become inflexible and filled with an inner tension when life doesn't go according to our small agendas..I came to India and never planned to fall in love,but this sweet chaotic place has humbled me. I just know the more I can accept that I just live in right action, and surrender the attachment to the outcome..it will all just work out..there is always power; we just need to relax. So in this land of extremes, I have found some inner balance. I hope that I can hold on to these precious reminders. When life offers moments of random chaos, confusion and fear.. I can trust, the Power will be turned back on..
I am forever grateful for the gifts that have been given from this amazing journey..I know it is only just BEGUN..


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Thinking of home

My first July 4th not being in the States..and how I am missing ritual..backyard family cookouts, hotdogs and hamburgers and corn on the Cobb, the local parade and seeing the neighborhood gathered in lawn chairs scattered and lining the Main St., the children chasing candy, the sounds of the firetrucks honking and the sweet sounds of the kids celebrating a day that honors a country proud of his heritage. I will miss most of all the various gatherings to watch and share the fireworks..this celebration feeds the never-ending child in me who welcomes every summer the thrill of those vibrant colors as they explode in the night sky..the rush of sensation that fills my senses and still excites my soul. The simple pleasures of summer fun can be held as sweet reminders all through those dark winter days..I send all of you a blessing to remember why we celebrate this day..and may we join together to set the intention that our wonderful Country can let go of the rigid separation of Ideology and find a common place of understanding. We must be "United", if we are to continue to thrive and grow as a Nation based on the brilliant integrity of the Human spirit..to live in harmony and balance takes the willingness to find peace and harmony in our own life. My prayers are for our coming together as a the United States of America..to set that one simple word, "United",and reflect on what it means to hold Unity..is it possible when the mind lives in such fear??Can we raise our consciousness higher, to see beyond the fear of our bias opinions, and meet heart to heart..if everyday, we reflect on our abundance,and celebrate the inner spark of excitement for living..then, each of us are individually creating unity in our own hearts. May everyday offer the release of inner fireworks!! For even in the darkest of night..this is when we can see and witness the fireworks at their most magnificent.
Be peaceful, be well, be HAPPY


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Buddha under the banyon tree

Yesterday, I took a journey through time..walked into the original grounds of the Theosophical Society, and felt the presence of past souls who for over a hundred years have gathered here..I was truly coming home.
My first introduction to the Theosophical was in Ojai, Ca. Back in the early 80's. For many years, I would make the trip from L.A. to this beautiful oasis of orange groves, massive mountains and peaceful valleys to seek the wisdom of the teachings of J.Krishnamurti. At one time, he was the world teacher and head of the society . I had no idea at that time,that I would one day arrive in the Mid-West..you can only imagine my amazement to discover I was living a few miles from the head quarter's of the Theosophical in Wheaton. One night,( only a few weeks after arriving in the Western suburbs and knowing no one), I was driving all around and getting more lost and confused about what I had done by moving to this strange and flat land!! Suddenly, I noticed a small sign that said, "Head Quarter of the Theosophical Society". I remember being so surprised to find this oasis in what I assumed was only the land of Wheaton!! It was slowly getting darker,
and as I drove up that winding road, the full moon started to rise into the night. I will never forget the vibrant and bright light of the full moon illuminating my welcome as I drove onto the grounds. Somehow, at that moment, I knew I had made the correct decision in moving and changing my entire life. Today, I walked onto the grounds where it all began.. Chennai,India back in the late 1800's..the grounds have never changed..the structures and buildings are timeless. Nature is the only reminder of time..
I could feel the pulse of the earth,and was welcomed into a connection that has no words..I took this simply picture of Buddha under the tree, hopefully capturing the stillness of time..the banyon tree keeps the only pulse of movement for she keeps spreading her many roots...
In the center of the grounds is the largest Banyon tree in the world..it is 238ft.north to south and 250ft east to west..There was no way to capture it's true essence and energy..so while walking through the areas of this incredible space, I was being welcomed by this sweet Buddha and her tree..we became fast friends, and I knew I was being welcomed home..finally on the new moon..I had made a complete circle..something new is beginning!!!
There is no doubt I am right where I need to be..I am Here. Now...

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Howl at the moon..

When we allow space,(desa),in our lives for the time, ( kala), to create an opportunity for Stillness,we begin to listen to the Silence.. We hear the true sound...AUM, a deep vibration that resonates from our Truth..an inner knowing, that arises from this sweet place of peace. Trust it!! It speaks from the heart..and begin to welcome the changes that are coming.
This weekend is an opportunity to create that intention for new beginnings..we are going to be experiencing a full lunar eclipse. This is a most auspicious opportunity to bring into alignment both the head and the heart, our female and male aspects of our nature...and to live in a new awareness of our full potential..the old will fall away if it is not serving..similar to the bark of a tree, we need to shed our skin in order to grow wider..to have a firmer foundation. The tree grows not only upward, but deeper and wider..this process only increases the vitality of it's life force. What is not serving our growth will shift and fall away..I keep speaking of letting go..we can prepare for the opportunity to renew the beauty of Life by allowing the Grace to move through..it might come by true grief. Grief is not sadness..it is a deeper sensation of release..and the intellect has no understanding.
Tears, laughter,and the deep moan of that primal Sound that arises from our gut..allows for the shedding of this gripping on our physical, mental and emotional minds. Exhale is the release which allows for more inhale breath to come in. The emotions take us by surprise..we are so busy and distracted that we seldom feel our the true experience of our day to day lives..it is in this Silence, that the expression of tears or laughter are finally released. Especially welcome the beautiful and loving tears..for they are not whining and fearful tears..they are joyous and passionate expressions of the soul connecting to your true nature..this is how we can thrive and dance in life..preparation is meeting opportunity..and this beginning is NOW..Dance and howl at the moon!!!










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The constant practice of " becoming"

Three years ago, I had set an intention that the teachings of yoga had to go deeper..and having started this massive journey into the the healing yoga of Krishnamacharya two years prior..I knew that there had to be other qualified teachers. So we started our first training in the Chicago area..the last module was this past weekend..so proud of everyone of them,for this was not an easy two and half year commitment..They had a closing ceremony this past weekend and my only regret..I was here in India and not sharing the closure of this incredible endeavor of group energy..but that is the sweetness as well. Sometimes, life presents through us. The beginning of the seed is planted; we then water that small plant, we care for it, pruning it with constant nourishment.. then we move on before the harvest... allowing the fruit to be enjoyed without us..It can be bittersweet at times. I find I do so much of the invisible work..that I am on to the next project to begin the seed planting again. Here, I have waited so many years to finally get to India..and the only time, they could schedule me was during the month of June...I realized I would be missing something very dear to my heart..but the actual experience of letting go, is the true teachings of this trip..My ego might assume it is what I am going to get , but my heart knows..it is my willingness to let go of what I know.. And just " become". I had to make hard choices..and yet, following the heart is never easy.
They say, the third week brings in the fatigue and the longing for familiar..I can say, it has been challenging!! I miss my family and my dogs!..Colby is not big on conversations, and my IPad does not Skype very well. So the distance is playing on my mind. I know that this too, shall move through, and the residue of love will mingle with my sweet memories. They are implanted in my soul and all too soon..there will be new seeds to plant and sow..


The phrase " to meditate" does not only mean to examine,observe,reflect,question,weigh; it also has, in the Sanskrit,a more profound meaning,which is " to become" ...
J.Krishnamurti

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Morning reflection

Time to reflect..4:30am..the air is cooler yet so dense with the humidity,loving the comfort of this sacred space.. to be surrounded by the dark, knowing the morning light is fast approaching. The black birds are everywhere in India..no cardinals,no robins..only the screeching pitch of these pesky scavengers..laughing to myself, because at home, I wake to the geese fighting their territorial battles..Is this instinct to protect what ultimately leads humanity to it's conflicts and wars? What we call,
" defending", is this only a way to justify our resistance to change? Is change ever possible? I have to believe that humanity is more than capable; yet it takes great effort and commitment..which takes great motivation of energy..it takes desire,passion,and utmost willingness to let go of what is familiar and leap into unknown uncertainty. Yoga is an everyday practice of living with clarity of thought which arises through stilling the mind's chatter..
Yoga is not just attuning the physical body..it is refining the mind..not to react to life from the basic lower vibrations of survival..but to respond with a perspective that comes by being able to see through others eyes..if we learn to be present; we can often shift the emotion to change our reactions and find a common and united place of understanding..this takes huge practice when we are caught in our own fears,doubts and attachments. Our habits are hard to break..so much easier to blame " the other guy". ..which makes us separate, as we cling to being, "right". Habits are learned..they are part of our story,our DNA, our lifestyle,our samskaras..many times, we are not even aware of them. Reflection is not focusing on the worries and obsessions..but to go deep into the vast space of honest self searching..ripping away the veneer of learned mind..to look and feel the depth of the Self. This takes great courage, strength and patience. What is revealed is a true nature..this is the ability of the greatest of intelligence that arises from a practice of meditation.
To open the eyes and see the world joyous ..to share in it's abundance,to let go of the limited view..and experience the soul of existence..take away the resistance, the addictions,the blame,the righteous, the terror..and fall into love..
Is this possible working 80 hours a week, struggling to keep up our pace of life..all the stress of daily living in a world spinning so quickly? We can't just run away and abandon our commitments..but we have to pause, make the space and time to allow for a better habit to be planted..a practice that daily connects us to the Source. Can we make small efforts to grow in another direction..can we make this life better?. To let go of my inner judgement about myself..to embrace my fears..to witness my own territorial agendas and allow for change in own life...this is my yoga practice..maybe this is all there is....I cannot teach that which I am not practicing..my commitment is to keep taking away the layers of my protected image or idea about myself, and meet each person at the layer of the heart. And most of all..just offer a welcoming song..
The sun is now up..and the black birds have flown away..Life is sweet ..good morning!!!


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Just pure Joy..

All it takes is a camera..and the children coming running. There is nothing shy about these spirits..they only know their curious minds and their joyous hearts..we had more fun taking pictures and then sharing the end results..thank goodness for digital cameras...instant gratification!,
Every night, after my long and fulfilling days of being with at the KYM, I come to the beach and walk the shore..my way of letting the day go..and processing the many students I teach each day..I have bonded with my supervisor. Together, we flow in a natural ease of sharing the tools..and she introduces me to her students, as her best friend and fellow teacher. I am so honored to me included this way..she is making my internship an unforgettable learning experience. Not to mention, I too, have a new best friend!, I wish I could get Sangita to YAF..I know everyone would be in love with her passion for yoga and her depth of knowledge.
I see everyday, so many students..all one on one, very much like my days in Downers Grove which are spent in the small studio..teaching and designing individual practices for a certain symptom which may have many layers..All to inspire change in a positive direction. By coming here, I get to observe so many case studies..so many different techniques of using the tools for getting a desired effect,working and learning from teachers,I so admire. I get to work with the master chiefs..creating recipes for sustained joy in living beyond the agitation of the mind's doubts and fears..and living life as these children..with laughter, passion and endless desire to stay curious and loving. this is the true meaning of life..somehow,we just forget!,






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Location:Bengal Sea..off the coast of chennai

What a solstice celebration with mother nature playing with her light..I heard about the storms moving through the midwest...and my sweet home town..it is still 104 and Humid..but I have come to accept the heat and surrender into it..I am just loving my curly hair!,
Denise left yesterday, and as she said," I have to leave, my heart is just too full of love,I have never in my life received so much..I will burst if I stay any longer..". Open hearts are a must here..never come to India unless the vessel is empty..overload of heart chakra!! Something about the family unit..when you come to India, be prepared to become family..everyone embraces community living. In the West, we isolate into separate lives and there is a longing for belonging...it is the soul's desire to connect at the heart ..I am forever aware that relationships arising out of true heart connection is the healing of our world. We are all one ..the mind just forgets..having a practice,I can clear that sticky clutter of my limited small mind..and meet another at that truthful place...the heart is just open to be me..whatever that is in this moment. I have been blessed to have this opportunity to experience the fruits of my practice..always in the grace of daily living. Again, I hold sacred the space that has been nourished at Yoga Among Friends,,and all you amazing souls that have welcomed me into your life. You are all my family!,
Enjoy the abundant Light of each other..as Bob Marley would say," One Love" ....


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Everyday, I arrive at the KYM to get my schedule..and I observe the therapy sessions..and take notes on everything that is being shared..the only problem is the language..since most speak a mixture of Hindi and
Tamil nadu. I communicate with my expressions and my eyes..funny, but we do understand each other..I love the head bobble..side to side when they listen and agree..at first, you think they are saying,no,ye there is always a slight smile and a look of understanding. The work is universal, the only ingredient needed is compassion. I know that stress and its sufferings are everywhere. We can obtain all the yoga information, be so well versed in knowledge that it actually gets in the way of just being present.. it is only the heart that truly does the healing. To have the faith in the relationship..to know someone does care allows the teachings to come forth. I am experiencing so many wonderful connections with students of all ages and gender and Faiths,.and yet, it just confirms..we are only one light. It is only in the heart to heart connections that we are able to thrive and shine.
It is in the children's faces that you see that pure light..My work is to keep it on..

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So tempting...but..oh no!,

I think about the joys of fresh vegetables..appreciate how beautiful they look..but the water they use to irrigate the soil would play havoc to my stomach..a true lesson in allowing the senses to be enjoyed without partaking..as The teachings would remind me,,heyam duhkam anagatam, that which prevents the sorrow of the future..when we have the choice of discernment, we have freedom!, Be aware of your thoughts,your words...and your actions..living here in a state of yoga!, Just choose wisely,Laura..and don't be tempted by the fruit!,

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Location:Local farmers market

The smell of Jasmine..

Everywhere the scent of fresh jasmine..how sweet. The women wrap their hair in garlands of fresh jasmine; and I will forever hold this memory of scent. What a perfume that mingles with the air..India is a collage of contrasts..from the extremes of poverty and despair on the streets, abandon dogs, lonely old men,hungry babies, cows eating the garbage on the streets,to this sweet girl selling her magic. The kindness of people is apparent everywhere in their genuine smiles. And sometimes, I am reminded that loving kindness is our natural state of being. We forget in our hectic lives that human nature longs for the simple connections of a smile..without any words..the eyes say more..the heart is heard and I will forever remember Jasmine. Inhale..exhale..jasmine fills my soul.




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Home sweet home ..

Very blessed to have found this great apartment..thanks Ami..Best move leaving the hotel..now I really can experience Chennai as a resident, not just a tourist..getting groceries in the Indian markets has been the cultural experience that only brings more gratitude...Costco,please do come here. Bigger is not always better...Simple living..once again, joy in not wanting..but loving what I do have..a place to be ..why I am here. To listen once again to the whisper..how sweet. Be still.


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Location:Inside..

Getting to know my neighbors

Contrast in living ..from my window in the apartment looking out onto my neighbors court yard..


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Location:View outside my apt,

Some thoughts..

Live with intentions..not agendas..Walk to the edge..and trust to fly..Listen hard, with your heart..Practice wellness by being still..Play with abandon and dance! Laugh..mostly at yourself..Choose with no regrets..do it..Appreciate your friends and keep reminding them how special they are...Love with an open mind...keep learning..do what you love,and Love what you do..Live as if this is all there is..it is NOW..
I found out yesterday that a special being died very suddenly last week..Jim, you touched my life with your kindness and enthusiasm for healing others. I am forever grateful I had the privilege to know you..I only wish I could have had more time to know you better..somewhere there is a bigger star shining in the sky..
Sitting alone in my room in this exotic city..too tired to venture out the door,I can feel the sweet intimacy of all my friends..We are all connected by the grace of One Heart..blessings from Chennai.


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Location:2nd Main Rd,Chennai,India

Started my internship..

I have been in sensory overload and wondering how to digest all of these amazing moments. The weekend was spent getting adjusted to the time difference and the huge climate change ..actually reminds me of Chicago on those humid days we get with 100 degree heat,but now imagine without air- conditioning..but not complaining only witnessing how attached I am to my comfort.
Sat. was spent trying to find a new place to live that has wifi connection..I could only get a connection if I hung out in thin lobby.There I was screaming into my IPad trying to hear Colby on Skype. Late into the evening as four weddings were simultaneously going on in the courtyard and in the surrounding area!
I was being welcomed by members of the wedding party to meet the various. Families, and I had to explain that I was not comfortable being included in the photo shoot! Everyone gave me their business cards and made me promise to stay in touch..talk about a friendly county..anyway,the hotel was only filled with local business men so I feel better now in my own small apartment. Just have to figure out how to eat since cooking here is a challenge and can't eat any uncooked vegetables and fruit.
I spent the day on Sunday traveling to the coast of the Indian Ocean and to visit the Temple at Mamallpuram..what an amazing experience to see this holy spot and walk into the sacred space that was originally built in the 4th century..One's life gets very small in comparison to time ..to walk into the altar of these God's and feel the strength of their timeless presence.
I started my internship today..from 9:00am6:00pm.everyday except Sun. I will be observing the yoga therapists in their private sessions with their "care seeker" . What a fascinating experience to be able to sit in and learn all the ways they apply the tools. I am humble and yet comfortable to be in the room while the lesson is being created..most do not speak English..so I am using my eyes.. listening to
tone of the voices and watching the breath..the key to all of this work.. each day will offer another opportunity to grow..

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Have arrived!!

Exhausted and thrilled to finally reach the magic destination of India..took 22 hours of travel and having rested ...ready to take in my first day. Thanks everyone for the beautiful thoughts and words you sent me for the journey..I had angels around me..especially my sweet friend Geri who arranged to surprise me by welcoming me onto the flight to Frankfort Germany as my flight attendant!! She somehow worked her loving magic and had me moved to business class..I was a so touched and grateful for the blessing of comfort and SLEEP!!


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Today is the day!!!

What a strange morning..this storm is as if the heavens are letting go. ..and the heat of the past days was another preparations for my arrival in Chennai. The normal temperature being 106!! With monsoon rains. I have been in pure acceptance..I am planning on alot of bad hair days..and so I am excited about being invisible ..no persona of teacher, mother, director, wife, daughter,girlfriend,...I will be the foreigner..I will stand out in the street..but I will be going with listening eyes..and just be the student. Ready.


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Letting go..

Woke up at 4:30am!! So many details in my life to take care of so that I can fully be in the experince..I have to really allow myself the gift of being open. And let go of my control for my family, the center and my comforts in routine..scary stuff to admit..but my practice now!

The path of yoga therapy is one of many sacrifices and continous challenges. Yet, it is filled with endless growth.  The joy is in the learning! I will be experiencing what many of my collegues in the program have had the grace of tasting. I, too, will finally have the experience. As I leave, I have no agenda or expectation. Except, I do know it is well over 100 degrees and HUMID. (So much for my curly hair!) No, I am going into the doorway of being a full student and trusting that life is unfolding as it should on this path. Whatever I bring back will be richer and deeper because I honored the commitment, and said yes to the journey. I did that in 1995 when I arrived in the Midwest. I trusted that teaching yoga was my dhrama, and that I had no choice except listen to what I was feeling and share this passion. This passion has not lessened in these many years. In fact, YAF is now in our 14th year!!  And yet, letting go is the my true learning now. To let go of my daily routine, my constant schedule, and my family duties. To allow space for the magic to grow.

Packing days

We are in the journey..


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Location:Still home

Welcome!

Hi. Come join me as a chronicle the next steps in my yoga journey, a Trip to India starting June 9, 2011.  This is also a place where you can find information about our studio, Yoga Among Friends, in Downers Grove, IL.