It has been weeks since I returned from India..and still processing the experience. I have wanted to sit down and share my heart and soul and yet, I needed to be still, to digest, assimilate, absorb, and allow the wisdom to be imprinted in my soul. I still struggle for words to explain how my heart expanded and my passion was restored. I am more in love with life...and yet,my mind cannot grasp that mental phrase.
I struggle daily to let go of my agitation over the world' gripping mind..and it's collected fear of future possibility. Life is constant uncertainty. The certainty is in the daily commitment to be present to it's beauty. When my eyes see that beauty..I can share in the excitement and joy of the living. Now, I can see clearly, and it only took a shift of perspective. That is what yoga practice offers when we are the witness to our thoughts..do I feed my fear mind or the soul's ability to perceive the abundance of light? This is a choice I am able to make in the moment of clarity..this is freedom..I can choose to feel peace today, I can choose to feel love today, and only I can choose to let go and be here NOW.
I am writing this on the morning of 9/11..ten years ago,I was in the moment of preparation to go to Vietnam to bring Colby home..many of you know and held me during that long process to be a mom..my true svadharma..in an instant those plans got shifted..I was holding grief for friends and love ones that I knew were at ground zero,( my brother-in-law, worked there), at the same moment wondering how am I to get to Hanoi and honor the vow I made to my infant daughter..I prayed for the highest good for all..and let go of how..but knew at the deepest layer of my being..I was going to make the effort. With angels on my shoulder,and faith guiding the journey..we left on the first flights that were opened. A miracle of destiny, we got seats..and after four days of travel, we arrived. That was a labor..of love....
Now, ten years later, I am witnessing my sweet mother in her greatest work of letting go..she is in the divine dance between the spaces of light..her body is growing smaller yet, her soul gets bigger..soon, I will no longer be able to hug her,kiss her or smell the delicious scent of "mommy". Ten years ago, I became someone's mother, and now I am loosing being someone's daughter; book-ends marking transitions in time and space. Endings are beginnings,beginnings are endings..and they happen every moment. I just want to be awake enough to experience the beauty of such Grace..only a given identity of form, a label of the mind. Everything is impermanent. Change is the only constant, and we have to embrace this Truth. If we fight it, we only prevent the miracles to be revealed..I so trust in this journey..and in love with the possibilities that are just waiting to be invoked.
So today, I say prayers for all the souls that are struggling and still gripping at the concept of defending,winning,and killing..the thoughts that keep feeding the suffering of our world..and with forgiveness..I embrace the beauty and wonder and Awe that surrounds us ..I choose to focus on the Gratitude of this sacred day to remember that all life has a purpose...and all death is just the grace of transformation..stay open,stay in love today..
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