Back home and holding the space of Love..

It has been weeks since I returned from India..and still processing the experience. I have wanted to sit down and share my heart and soul and yet, I needed to be still, to digest, assimilate, absorb, and allow the wisdom to be imprinted in my soul. I still struggle for words to explain how my heart expanded and my passion was restored. I am more in love with life...and yet,my mind cannot grasp that mental phrase.
I struggle daily to let go of my agitation over the world' gripping mind..and it's collected fear of future possibility. Life is constant uncertainty. The certainty is in the daily commitment to be present to it's beauty. When my eyes see that beauty..I can share in the excitement and joy of the living. Now, I can see clearly, and it only took a shift of perspective. That is what yoga practice offers when we are the witness to our thoughts..do I feed my fear mind or the soul's ability to perceive the abundance of light? This is a choice I am able to make in the moment of clarity..this is freedom..I can choose to feel peace today, I can choose to feel love today, and only I can choose to let go and be here NOW.
I am writing this on the morning of 9/11..ten years ago,I was in the moment of preparation to go to Vietnam to bring Colby home..many of you know and held me during that long process to be a mom..my true svadharma..in an instant those plans got shifted..I was holding grief for friends and love ones that I knew were at ground zero,( my brother-in-law, worked there), at the same moment wondering how am I to get to Hanoi and honor the vow I made to my infant daughter..I prayed for the highest good for all..and let go of how..but knew at the deepest layer of my being..I was going to make the effort. With angels on my shoulder,and faith guiding the journey..we left on the first flights that were opened. A miracle of destiny, we got seats..and after four days of travel, we arrived. That was a labor..of love....
Now, ten years later, I am witnessing my sweet mother in her greatest work of letting go..she is in the divine dance between the spaces of light..her body is growing smaller yet, her soul gets bigger..soon, I will no longer be able to hug her,kiss her or smell the delicious scent of "mommy". Ten years ago, I became someone's mother, and now I am loosing being someone's daughter; book-ends marking transitions in time and space. Endings are beginnings,beginnings are endings..and they happen every moment. I just want to be awake enough to experience the beauty of such Grace..only a given identity of form, a label of the mind. Everything is impermanent. Change is the only constant, and we have to embrace this Truth. If we fight it, we only prevent the miracles to be revealed..I so trust in this journey..and in love with the possibilities that are just waiting to be invoked.
So today, I say prayers for all the souls that are struggling and still gripping at the concept of defending,winning,and killing..the thoughts that keep feeding the suffering of our world..and with forgiveness..I embrace the beauty and wonder and Awe that surrounds us ..I choose to focus on the Gratitude of this sacred day to remember that all life has a purpose...and all death is just the grace of transformation..stay open,stay in love today..





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Coming home

This is my last entry on the blog..the journey now is coming back home and being able to process all the amazing gifts I have received. India is random chaos. There are extreme obstacles and challenges in living day to day and yet, at the same time, there is a grace in the acceptance that things just don't always go according to the "plan". To be able to go with the flow,as they say. Each day, one never know when the power would suddenly be shut off; no air- conditioning,no lights, no inter-net, every bit of energy would simple be un-plugged! I am still amazed at the wonderful acceptance that this is just the norm.. No one seemed to be bothered..it was just how things are..knowing that in it's own time, the power would come back..but no one ever seemed to know when!!
To embrace the acceptance of what is being presented in the moment is the key to living in India..this allows for grace to move through. The frustration of the mind comes when expectation is the norm..we in the West have very little tolerance, patience, or forgiveness for anything that causes an inconvenience of our time..We become inflexible and filled with an inner tension when life doesn't go according to our small agendas..I came to India and never planned to fall in love,but this sweet chaotic place has humbled me. I just know the more I can accept that I just live in right action, and surrender the attachment to the outcome..it will all just work out..there is always power; we just need to relax. So in this land of extremes, I have found some inner balance. I hope that I can hold on to these precious reminders. When life offers moments of random chaos, confusion and fear.. I can trust, the Power will be turned back on..
I am forever grateful for the gifts that have been given from this amazing journey..I know it is only just BEGUN..


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Thinking of home

My first July 4th not being in the States..and how I am missing ritual..backyard family cookouts, hotdogs and hamburgers and corn on the Cobb, the local parade and seeing the neighborhood gathered in lawn chairs scattered and lining the Main St., the children chasing candy, the sounds of the firetrucks honking and the sweet sounds of the kids celebrating a day that honors a country proud of his heritage. I will miss most of all the various gatherings to watch and share the fireworks..this celebration feeds the never-ending child in me who welcomes every summer the thrill of those vibrant colors as they explode in the night sky..the rush of sensation that fills my senses and still excites my soul. The simple pleasures of summer fun can be held as sweet reminders all through those dark winter days..I send all of you a blessing to remember why we celebrate this day..and may we join together to set the intention that our wonderful Country can let go of the rigid separation of Ideology and find a common place of understanding. We must be "United", if we are to continue to thrive and grow as a Nation based on the brilliant integrity of the Human spirit..to live in harmony and balance takes the willingness to find peace and harmony in our own life. My prayers are for our coming together as a the United States of America..to set that one simple word, "United",and reflect on what it means to hold Unity..is it possible when the mind lives in such fear??Can we raise our consciousness higher, to see beyond the fear of our bias opinions, and meet heart to heart..if everyday, we reflect on our abundance,and celebrate the inner spark of excitement for living..then, each of us are individually creating unity in our own hearts. May everyday offer the release of inner fireworks!! For even in the darkest of night..this is when we can see and witness the fireworks at their most magnificent.
Be peaceful, be well, be HAPPY


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Buddha under the banyon tree

Yesterday, I took a journey through time..walked into the original grounds of the Theosophical Society, and felt the presence of past souls who for over a hundred years have gathered here..I was truly coming home.
My first introduction to the Theosophical was in Ojai, Ca. Back in the early 80's. For many years, I would make the trip from L.A. to this beautiful oasis of orange groves, massive mountains and peaceful valleys to seek the wisdom of the teachings of J.Krishnamurti. At one time, he was the world teacher and head of the society . I had no idea at that time,that I would one day arrive in the Mid-West..you can only imagine my amazement to discover I was living a few miles from the head quarter's of the Theosophical in Wheaton. One night,( only a few weeks after arriving in the Western suburbs and knowing no one), I was driving all around and getting more lost and confused about what I had done by moving to this strange and flat land!! Suddenly, I noticed a small sign that said, "Head Quarter of the Theosophical Society". I remember being so surprised to find this oasis in what I assumed was only the land of Wheaton!! It was slowly getting darker,
and as I drove up that winding road, the full moon started to rise into the night. I will never forget the vibrant and bright light of the full moon illuminating my welcome as I drove onto the grounds. Somehow, at that moment, I knew I had made the correct decision in moving and changing my entire life. Today, I walked onto the grounds where it all began.. Chennai,India back in the late 1800's..the grounds have never changed..the structures and buildings are timeless. Nature is the only reminder of time..
I could feel the pulse of the earth,and was welcomed into a connection that has no words..I took this simply picture of Buddha under the tree, hopefully capturing the stillness of time..the banyon tree keeps the only pulse of movement for she keeps spreading her many roots...
In the center of the grounds is the largest Banyon tree in the world..it is 238ft.north to south and 250ft east to west..There was no way to capture it's true essence and energy..so while walking through the areas of this incredible space, I was being welcomed by this sweet Buddha and her tree..we became fast friends, and I knew I was being welcomed home..finally on the new moon..I had made a complete circle..something new is beginning!!!
There is no doubt I am right where I need to be..I am Here. Now...

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Howl at the moon..

When we allow space,(desa),in our lives for the time, ( kala), to create an opportunity for Stillness,we begin to listen to the Silence.. We hear the true sound...AUM, a deep vibration that resonates from our Truth..an inner knowing, that arises from this sweet place of peace. Trust it!! It speaks from the heart..and begin to welcome the changes that are coming.
This weekend is an opportunity to create that intention for new beginnings..we are going to be experiencing a full lunar eclipse. This is a most auspicious opportunity to bring into alignment both the head and the heart, our female and male aspects of our nature...and to live in a new awareness of our full potential..the old will fall away if it is not serving..similar to the bark of a tree, we need to shed our skin in order to grow wider..to have a firmer foundation. The tree grows not only upward, but deeper and wider..this process only increases the vitality of it's life force. What is not serving our growth will shift and fall away..I keep speaking of letting go..we can prepare for the opportunity to renew the beauty of Life by allowing the Grace to move through..it might come by true grief. Grief is not sadness..it is a deeper sensation of release..and the intellect has no understanding.
Tears, laughter,and the deep moan of that primal Sound that arises from our gut..allows for the shedding of this gripping on our physical, mental and emotional minds. Exhale is the release which allows for more inhale breath to come in. The emotions take us by surprise..we are so busy and distracted that we seldom feel our the true experience of our day to day lives..it is in this Silence, that the expression of tears or laughter are finally released. Especially welcome the beautiful and loving tears..for they are not whining and fearful tears..they are joyous and passionate expressions of the soul connecting to your true nature..this is how we can thrive and dance in life..preparation is meeting opportunity..and this beginning is NOW..Dance and howl at the moon!!!










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The constant practice of " becoming"

Three years ago, I had set an intention that the teachings of yoga had to go deeper..and having started this massive journey into the the healing yoga of Krishnamacharya two years prior..I knew that there had to be other qualified teachers. So we started our first training in the Chicago area..the last module was this past weekend..so proud of everyone of them,for this was not an easy two and half year commitment..They had a closing ceremony this past weekend and my only regret..I was here in India and not sharing the closure of this incredible endeavor of group energy..but that is the sweetness as well. Sometimes, life presents through us. The beginning of the seed is planted; we then water that small plant, we care for it, pruning it with constant nourishment.. then we move on before the harvest... allowing the fruit to be enjoyed without us..It can be bittersweet at times. I find I do so much of the invisible work..that I am on to the next project to begin the seed planting again. Here, I have waited so many years to finally get to India..and the only time, they could schedule me was during the month of June...I realized I would be missing something very dear to my heart..but the actual experience of letting go, is the true teachings of this trip..My ego might assume it is what I am going to get , but my heart knows..it is my willingness to let go of what I know.. And just " become". I had to make hard choices..and yet, following the heart is never easy.
They say, the third week brings in the fatigue and the longing for familiar..I can say, it has been challenging!! I miss my family and my dogs!..Colby is not big on conversations, and my IPad does not Skype very well. So the distance is playing on my mind. I know that this too, shall move through, and the residue of love will mingle with my sweet memories. They are implanted in my soul and all too soon..there will be new seeds to plant and sow..


The phrase " to meditate" does not only mean to examine,observe,reflect,question,weigh; it also has, in the Sanskrit,a more profound meaning,which is " to become" ...
J.Krishnamurti

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Morning reflection

Time to reflect..4:30am..the air is cooler yet so dense with the humidity,loving the comfort of this sacred space.. to be surrounded by the dark, knowing the morning light is fast approaching. The black birds are everywhere in India..no cardinals,no robins..only the screeching pitch of these pesky scavengers..laughing to myself, because at home, I wake to the geese fighting their territorial battles..Is this instinct to protect what ultimately leads humanity to it's conflicts and wars? What we call,
" defending", is this only a way to justify our resistance to change? Is change ever possible? I have to believe that humanity is more than capable; yet it takes great effort and commitment..which takes great motivation of energy..it takes desire,passion,and utmost willingness to let go of what is familiar and leap into unknown uncertainty. Yoga is an everyday practice of living with clarity of thought which arises through stilling the mind's chatter..
Yoga is not just attuning the physical body..it is refining the mind..not to react to life from the basic lower vibrations of survival..but to respond with a perspective that comes by being able to see through others eyes..if we learn to be present; we can often shift the emotion to change our reactions and find a common and united place of understanding..this takes huge practice when we are caught in our own fears,doubts and attachments. Our habits are hard to break..so much easier to blame " the other guy". ..which makes us separate, as we cling to being, "right". Habits are learned..they are part of our story,our DNA, our lifestyle,our samskaras..many times, we are not even aware of them. Reflection is not focusing on the worries and obsessions..but to go deep into the vast space of honest self searching..ripping away the veneer of learned mind..to look and feel the depth of the Self. This takes great courage, strength and patience. What is revealed is a true nature..this is the ability of the greatest of intelligence that arises from a practice of meditation.
To open the eyes and see the world joyous ..to share in it's abundance,to let go of the limited view..and experience the soul of existence..take away the resistance, the addictions,the blame,the righteous, the terror..and fall into love..
Is this possible working 80 hours a week, struggling to keep up our pace of life..all the stress of daily living in a world spinning so quickly? We can't just run away and abandon our commitments..but we have to pause, make the space and time to allow for a better habit to be planted..a practice that daily connects us to the Source. Can we make small efforts to grow in another direction..can we make this life better?. To let go of my inner judgement about myself..to embrace my fears..to witness my own territorial agendas and allow for change in own life...this is my yoga practice..maybe this is all there is....I cannot teach that which I am not practicing..my commitment is to keep taking away the layers of my protected image or idea about myself, and meet each person at the layer of the heart. And most of all..just offer a welcoming song..
The sun is now up..and the black birds have flown away..Life is sweet ..good morning!!!


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